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Dear Feeling Guilty:
This is a very common complaint for women juggling the demands of a family and home based business. The first indicator that something needs to change is the feeling of "guilt". (A big part of what I do is help people create lives without guilt!)

A good place to start is to look at what you're doing when you "work". For most people, only 20% of the tasks we do really matter - 80% is busy, less important work that doesn't affect our "bottom line". Sometimes this is a little challenging because we don't like to admit that we can be more effective by working less, it goes against our nature! You may need to ask someone who can be very objective to look at this with you. Once you identify your high-priority items vs. busy work, you automatically free up more time for other important areas - like your family. When you finish the 20% items, you can stop working and be free to enjoy your children.

Depending on their ages, if you set strong "work" boundaries, your children will enjoy being part of the plan. "I'm going to work until lunchtime, and then we can go to the park. Let me finish what I need to do while you color (read, build, play, etc.) and then I won't work anymore today. OK?" After a few times, they will understand how it works, particularly if you really get involved with them when you're not working! Forget the telephone, don't check your e-mail, and don't go near your office. Be "present" with your child(ren) and they will notice. The time you spend with them when you're "fully there", rather than thinking about all the other things you could be doing, will be the most valuable time you could ever spend even in the simplest things! There will be a noticeable "shift" in your home and the way you and your children relate to each other.

To sum it up: Work smart when you're working, play full-out when you're playing, and do the best you can to keep them separate!

Dear Mary Jo:
Every time I walk into my office I'm overwhelmed with piles of papers and work all around me. So many things I should do and the very sight of it makes me tired. I feel like I never get caught up. What can I do? - Overwhelmed in Ohio

Dear Overwhelmed:
What you're saying makes perfect sense and is very common. Having unfinished projects and clutter around definitely drains your energy and vitality. I bet this problem goes way beyond your office. When I begin working with a new client or group, I typically start by having them eliminate as many "energy drains" as possible because I know how severely this can affect their productivity, self- esteem, energy levels, and sense of well-being.

A good place to start is to make a list of all the things you've been putting up with or "tolerating". Most people have at least 60-100. They might include a messy office, a dirty car, unorganized closets, and a sweater that's missing a button. Next to each item, list how it makes you feel so you can see what it's costing you. (It might read unorganized, lazy, a failure, uneasy, tired, not good enough, etc.)

Then give yourself the incredible gift of a "fresh start". Hopefully you can devote at least an entire day, better yet a whole weekend to get rid of as many of these "tolerances" as possible. You won't finish your list the first weekend. It may actually take several months to completely eliminate your list, particularly some of the bigger items. But no matter how much you accomplish on the first go-round, you will immediately experience a surge of energy, sense of being in control, and feel better about yourself and life in general. When you finally get back into your clutter-free office, you'll be a NEW WOMAN!

Dear Mary Jo:
This quarter I set an aggressive goal for my business, and it looks like I'm not going to make it. I've told a lot of people about this goal, so I'm beginning to feel embarrassed and foolish. I'm not sure how to deal with these feelings. Can you help? - Embarrassed in New York

Dear Embarrassed:
I understand your dilemma, and see it fairly often with my clients. While setting goals is essential to keep you moving ahead in the right direction, you need to make sure you don't set yourself up for failure at the same time. There is a danger in stating your goal to others'. What happens if you don't make it?

Some people can easily brush it off and move the goal ahead another three months, while others are "stopped" by this and it turns out to be a major setback. Just because they spoke their goal out loud (or to the wrong people), now they feel like a failure. Had they kept it to themselves, no one would ever know, and they'd be continuing on their path to success! You need to decide which way you operate and act in your own best interest.

Otherwise you might be your own worst enemy.

Personally, I've always set very aggressive goals for myself, but have been selective in whom I've shared them with. Many times I did not make my goal by the desired date, but I just moved the timeline ahead a little. I had no doubt I would get there eventually!

As I work with successful business people and entrepreneurs, what I see work very consistently is to come up with a clear picture of where you want to go. You may not know all the steps involved to get there and it may be difficult to accurately predict how long the journey will take. But you know the ultimate destination! In this scenario, setting short-range goals that measure your actions rather than your results is a good approach.

For example, you may want to set a goal of how many people you will talk to per week, rather than the income you'll earn. This way there won't be so much pressure. Reaching your goal will depend on your efforts, rather than factors out of your control. If someone is determined to earn a certain amount of money in a 90 day period, and it's starting to look doubtful, they become less than attractive as they conduct themselves. There's a desperateness that comes across, and they may actually sabotage their own success!

Relax and enjoy the process. Become your own best friend and don't be so hard on yourself. You know you're going to get there eventually, so don't let your own self-imposed goals and deadlines stop you along the way. Instead use them to your advantage. The choice is yours!

For additional information on the programs Mary Jo offers and to learn why someone might decide to hire their own personal coach, check out her website at VirtualSuccessCoach.com or send her e-mail at MaryJo@CreativeCoachingSolutions.com